I lost my fear of falling
by InLunaticThirteens
Summary: Eons ago, the angel known as Castiel was in love with an angel, an angel that betrayed and abandoned him forever. So what happens when a chance encounter brings them face to face? One shot. Randomly inspired by a dream.


It was a day in Heaven that Castiel would never forget, the day he realized that he may never be able to find Hadraniel. There would one day be whispers; lower angels asking the superiors if perhaps that was what had started Castiel in his rebellion against Heaven. Because, they would go on to say, maybe it was no longer Heaven for Castiel without Hadraniel by his side.

He was- had been- the angel of love, focused on awakening humanities memories of Eternal Love. Sometimes he wondered if that was where it had gone wrong, dragging up the memories of humanity. He had seen many things go on amongst the humans; their acts of sex and love. It had also caused him to question what he and Castiel had. An angels love is platonic, incapable of the desire, the carnal lust, that the humans possess.

That was the part that confused the angel Hadraniel, -now the demon Vetis-, the most. If he wasn't supposed to be able to desire like he had, then why did he?

To understand would mean to start from the beginning.

The little trip to Earth had been going perfectly normal and the exact moment when that changed would forever remain unclear. Maybe it was that the demon didn't seem to notice the angel's presence. Still.. Why had Hadraniel watched the demon and human in their unholy acts? Why did he wonder with an innocent curiosity what it felt like? Why?

Those may be questions that only God has the answers to, and one would quickly find that He seems to be more allergic to straight answers than angels. God had never been one to give away clues before the story was complete, after all.

But in the end, all that mattered was that Hadraniel had allowed the demon to coax him in to participation. Then, much to his confusion, Hadraniel found himself constantly returning for more. He'd never had admitted to anyway, especially his beloved Castiel, but then he heard whispers.

The arch angels were gossiping that God planned to send Abdiel and Raguel to cast out Hadraniel. After all, who better than the angel of negotiation and the angel meant to keep good behavior and order amongst the angels to kick out an angel that was breaking almost all the rules of Heaven?

But when Hadraniel heard the news, all he could process was that Castiel would be there, Castiel would watch, and, if he knew anything about him, that his angel would try to fall with him. Hadraniel would not allow that to happen. He would not put his beloved in that situation.

So he voluntarily fell, alone and on Earth. The Fallen angel spent a few confusing years on earth, until he got a request from fellow fallen angel.

"_Come with me, I can give you all you that you desire. You have all ready fallen, dear Hadraniel, it couldn't hurt to dip in to those fantasies again. You have nothing left to lose. I can hide you from him, you know. Change your name, your status, everything. If you'll be my little demon, I can give you everything that you want. Everything."_

Never in his life had Hadraniel ever considered allowing himself to be won over by the Morning Star, but he was tired of running from Castiel.

"I hope one day you can forgive me for this."

Nearly six centuries later, Hadraniel fully understood that he had made a dire mistake. He needed to be free. So when he heard talk of the brothers that were waging war against both Heaven and Hell, he felt the need to make sure they succeeded.

Pulling the black trench coat tighter around him, the once angel now called Vetis climbed the stairs in a dingy motel.

The Winchester brothers had seen many things in their lives, a demon was nothing new to them and it was definitely a creature they didn't dare trust. But they listened to the reserved demon, a little off put by how calm, polite, and- what was that? Was he scared? Neither brother was sure, but he seemed as weary of them as they were of him, but what did he have to be scared of? Nonetheless...

"No. We don't need help from a filthy little bitch demon. We can do this on our own." Oh, Dean, always the voice of reason.

Sam, on the other hand, looked a little torn. He wanted to know more about this demon, as something didn't feel quite right, and that made him want to say yes, but their past with demons made him very weary. So he stayed quiet, settling for watching the demon.

Vetis was not fully surprised by their response, let out a soft sigh and decided it would be best just to let them be, as he was pretty sure the elder was about ready to kill him. But, as the fates would have it, it would not be that easy. As he opened the door to leave, he came face to face with Castiel. "C-Castiel..."

"Who are you?" Castiel seemed genuinely confused. The angel's hair and eyes were different, they had been ever since he became a demon.

" I am no one to you anymore, sweet guardian."

Vetis tried to leave, but Castiel was not done. He took hold of the other's arm.

"Then how do you know who I am?"

"If you do not remember me, then it is obviously with good reason."

Something clicked within Castiel.

"You are not him. How dare you imply such things."

"I am, and I am implying nothing but the truth. It's been years, Cassie."

Castiel began to speak, but stopped, confused.

"I'm sorry for leaving you, Castiel. I was just trying to protect you, I hope you understand that was what I was doing."

Castiel, for the first time the brothers had ever seen, showed genuine anger.

"Trying to _protect_ me? That is your excuse for cowardly running away? You were attempting to protect me?"

"Castiel, they were going to force me to fall. You and I both know you would have tried to go down with me. I wasn't going to let that happen, especially after I betrayed you like I did."

"I already knew about your affair with the demon! I was planning on asking you about it, but when I go to find you, you are gone. I searched for you for over a century, Hadraniel!"

Dean leaned over to Sam, whispering. "This feels like a Heaven version of Maury. _I cheated on you with a demon, but you're the baby daddeh!_" Sam smiled a little, but continued to watch the angel and ex-angel argue.

"I know, Castiel and I'm sorry. You are pure, genuine perfection, Castiel. One of our Father's greatest creations. I was a broken, dirty angel that had done nothing but make mistakes. You deserved so much better than that. You deserved love from something that wasn't as useless and pathetic as me."

Castiel looked at him with angry disbelief. "I would have rather fallen with your adulterous ass than been holy all alone, Hadraniel."

Hadraniel looked close to tears. "But the things I wanted were unholy... You would never..."

"I would have given you anything you wanted, had you only asked."

The tears fell. "I'm so sorry, Castiel. I know that I was wrong. I've spent the last century in hell allowing them to torture me, if only because of all the wrong I had done to you. I'm begging you, Castiel, allow me some ounce of forgiveness. All I want is redemption, something I can only get from you."

"I find myself unable to forgive anything you've done to me, Hadraniel."

"Will you never love me again?"

"I do not know."

"Castiel..."

"Leave, Hadraniel. For now, there is nothing for you here."

It was an afternoon that the Winchester brothers, Vetis, and Castiel would never forget. It was the night that Castiel showed that part of him was still a heartless prick of an angel.

It was a moment that would be whispered about later on, the questions and theories passing from demon to demon. Some would muse that maybe it was what caused Vetis, formerly known as Hadraniel, to rebel against Lucifer. Because, some would say, maybe he'd finally decided that Heaven could be worth fighting for, that maybe when he remembered that his Heaven rested in the arms and heart of the angel Castiel, he remembered that Heaven could be a glorious thing.


End file.
